life lessons
April 6, 2008 10:00 pm UncategorizedThings I have learned this week from TruTV (formerly CourtTV), which we have now thanks to a mistake on the part of the cable company:
*If you’re going to go to sleep in a ground-floor apartment with your kitchen window open, leave a tomato on the sill so that forensic scientists can identify your killer by the shoeprint he leaves in the unfortunate fruit.
*If a coworker half your age won’t stop stalking you at work, file a formal complaint or else run the risk of him eventually going crazy and killing you.
*Don’t get married, ever, because if you do your spouse will do one of three things: set the bed on fire with you in it, strangle you in the hot tub, or hire a hitman to kill you.
This is worse than watching “Unsolved Mysteries” when I was little, because at least then I knew my dad had a gun in the house. All I have now is a bear who, although fierce, is somewhat limited by the fact that he is stuffed. Maybe I should start watching Nick at Nite reruns at bedtime. At least on that channel, everybody’s differences are resolved with a hug — and not a suffocating one, either — before the half-hour is up.
Beth :
Date: April 6, 2008 @ 10:54 pm
Don’t get married, ever, because if you do your spouse will do one of three things: set the bed on fire with you in it, strangle you in the hot tub, or hire a hitman to kill you.
Crap.
courtney :
Date: April 7, 2008 @ 10:25 am
So basically, everything will eventually kill you? Bummer.
I suggest watching cartoons at night instead. Things still get killed, but it’s much funnier.
mickey :
Date: April 8, 2008 @ 9:29 am
Tomato on the windowsill. Got it. Thanks.
The gun in the house made you feel better? Well statistically…(you know the rest)
daddoo :
Date: April 8, 2008 @ 8:57 pm
sorry, mickey, but Rachel’s Dad is way ahead of the statistical curve when it comes to the ability to use a firearm to protect his daughter…or his sons for that matter. But especially his daughter.